Formalizing a legacy of values is not always as easy as leaving a financial legacy, however; and as this recent article in the Wall Street Journal mentions, there is a limit to how far a parent or grandparent can go in dictating religious values to their heirs. The article points out that “being too restrictive in an estate plan in an effort to pass on religious values—say, disinheriting children who marry outside the faith—can create divisions within a family and spark extended, costly legal battles, all while failing to have any impact on the heirs’ beliefs.”

One of the most common value-imposing strategies used by parents in estate planning is to require that children marry within a certain faith in order to receive their inheritance. This strategy has worked in some instances, for example, “in a 2009 case that was closely watched by estate planners, the Illinois Supreme Court—overturning the decisions of lower courts—unanimously ruled that a Jewish man, Max Feinberg, and his wife, Erla, could legally cut off their grandchildren who chose to marry outside of the Jewish religion.”

This strategy is often hurtful, however, and quite frequently expensively controversial, causing some heirs to challenge the will or trust; a process which can take many years and thousands of dollars to resolve. It is often better to explore other options as far as passing on values. “One increasingly common alternative to strict provisions that may penalize certain heirs is to leave money for children and grandchildren in a trust and give the trustee discretion to make distributions based on broader criteria that you set out when creating the trust… That way you provide guidance on how you would like your money to be distributed, but you leave some leeway for the trustee to consider special circumstances that you may not have anticipated and to weigh the consequences of each decision on distributions.”

A trusted and sensitive estate planner can talk to you about what is important to you and your family, and help you choose the best and most respectful way to pass on your wealth and your values.

According to the article, Mr. Solie (who “had cared for hundreds of elderly patients as a physician’s assistant” ) and his mother did not speak for almost three years after he tried to convince her that she “should move someplace easier to navigate — an assisted living complex, perhaps.” Mr. Solie also expressed that his mother “should relinquish her role as chief caregiver to Roger [Solie’s brother], who could be placed in a group home.”

These kinds of suggestions are often very difficult for independent and strong-minded seniors to hear, and with good reason; after having taken care of themselves, their children, and in some cases taken care of their own parents as well, in their time—it’s not easy to have someone come along and say they can’t do it anymore.

The key, says Mr. Solie, is to recognize and respect a parent’s psychological needs as well as their physical limitations. Once they were on speaking terms again, Mr. Solie started “asking his mom questions about her life and listening intently to her stories. Acknowledging to his mother that there were no longer easy ways to reconcile her safety and her desire to stay put, he asked what would work for her. Then mother and son struck compromises that built a network of support around her and Roger in their home.”

The process of transitioning elderly parents from independent lifestyles they may not be able to handle anymore will be made much easier if you begin the process by asking and listening, instead of simply telling. If the ultimate goal is to increase ease and avoid frustration, shouldn’t that be the goal of each conversation along the way as well?

A recent article in Forbes may not be able to tell you which of the many estate planning options will work best for your family, but it does list some of the major errors in estate planning to look out for and avoid; and in light of what you just read in the paragraph above, number one on the list is not having a plan at all.

If you’re reading this you probably already know on some level how important an estate plan is, so it’s the remaining six errors you’ll want to consider most carefully; these include common mistakes such as #2, using online or DIY programs rather than professionals to create your plan, the problem with which is that “estate planning documents should represent the culmination of a well thought out financial and estate plan. An amalgam of stand-alone documents does not a plan make. Furthermore, those pesky nuanced requirements (i.e. the “formalities”) for a validly written and executed document will vary from state to state. Internet sites can provide you with documents but no actual advice that fits you in the context of your specific financial and personal life.”

The error listed as #7, leaving assets to children outright rather than in trust, is another mistake commonly made by those who my not yet understand just how useful a well-thought-out estate plan can be. As the article points out, the problem with leaving assets to children outright is that those assets are just as likely to end up in the hands of creditors or ex-spouses as in the hands of your children or designated heirs. The right trust can give your heirs complete access to their inheritance while providing protection from divorce or debt.

The important point to take away from this article is that an estate plan is not something to be hastily created, checked off the list, and tucked away to collect dust and be forgotten. An estate plan can serve as a roadmap for your family, serving as a reminder of values, as a guide for your children, and as a shield against loss and attrition.

Another related article from U.S. News and World Report mentions that “the average expected retirement age and been gradually increasing over the past seventeen years from age 60 in 1995 to 64 in 2005,” and most recently to 67 in 2012. In addition to influencing your financial planning, this shift in the retirement age can also influence your estate planning in some of the following ways:

1. Gift-giving. Parents and grandparents may now choose to hold off on giving significant cash gifts to their heirs; socking that cash away for a longer retirement, if necessary.

2. If your estate plan includes a Retirement Trust you will absolutely want to talk to your estate planning attorney before making any significant decisions regarding your plans for retirement.

3. Long-Term Care Insurance. The longer you’re working, the longer you may be able to contribute to a long-term care insurance policy. Consider adjusting your contributions accordingly.

Everybody’s happy about a longer life expectancy, and there are many people who are happy to push off retirement a few years as well, but it does require a little extra planning. “If life expectancy continues its upward curve, you’ll have your work cut out for you, because you may need to think about what you want to do in your 10th and 11th decades.”

We’ve gotten this question more than once at our office, and we almost always advise against it. There are a number of reasons to keep your home in your own name, and this article in the Huffington Post points out two of the biggies: Property taxes and your child’s liabilities.

These aren’t the only reasons to keep your home in your own name, however. Other reasons include:

* Your relationship with your child may not be as great as you think it is. Once the home is in their name they have no obligation to continue to let you live in it one, two or ten years down the line.

* You have more than one child. Putting your home in one child’s name can cause a rift of bad feelings between siblings. The alternative, of putting the home in the names of all your children, only makes it more vulnerable to liabilities and paperwork errors.

* There are other, safer ways to avoid probate. One of those ways is with a Revocable Living Trust. A Revocable Living Trust is flexible and reliable, and doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, a Revocable Living Trust can actually end up saving your family money in the long run.

Don’t make a mistake that could end up causing you to lose your home. Contact our office to discuss how we can help you protect your family and your assets from probate and liabilities.

But before your son or daughter packs up for summer vacation or even their first semester of college, I want you to think about what it means having a child who is an “adult” in the eyes of the law.

From a legal standpoint, I can tell you that it means you’ll now need written permission to make important medical or financial decisions on his or her behalf.
For example, if your daughter is having a problem registering for fall classes because she she’s missing medical records, you can no longer just reach out to her doctor access them without explicit permission.

Even worse—imagine your child was seriously injured in an accident or became ill hundreds, or even thousands of miles away from home.
If you didn’t have specific legal documentation in place that gave you permission to make important medical and life-saving decisions, the hospital or doctors could easily bar you from being involved in your child’s care (and they rarely bend the rules on this either—it goes against privacy laws).
So to avoid all this, I encourage parents of graduating seniors to take some time this summer and create 3 simple documents with their “adult” son or daughter.

They consist of the following:

1. Advance Health Care Directive- This document allows a young adult to appoint someone they trust (the parent) to be their health care agent should they wind up in a coma or become otherwise incapacitated in a serious accident. It also specifies the type of long-term care or life support the child would want should they become incapacitated or left in a permanent vegetative state.

2. Financial Power of Attorney- Having a financial power of attorney is necessary to give someone (preferably the parents) permission to access any bank accounts and act financially on the adult child’s behalf if an emergency occurs. Such activities covered under the power of attorney include paying bills, buying or selling assets, applying for social security or other government benefits and the opening and closing of accounts.

3. Signed HIPAA Form- Parents should have their adult child pre-sign a HIPAA form to ensure they can immediately communicate with physicians and access important medical records.

Finally, for added protection, I would also create an ICE Card (In Case Of Emergency) to be kept in the child’s wallet listing the names of all approved emergency contacts, health insurance information and all known allergies.

Remember, it’s a natural instinct to want to jump in and help your child in an emergency. Yet without these documents in place, you could be a helpless spectator of your child’s care if he or she is unable to communicate.

So make it a point to create these 3 legal documents before summer officially begins. It’s the peace of mind you and your child deserve if the unthinkable happens.